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Posts Tagged ‘Humour’

Day 260 - Wild Life.

It’s been an exciting weekend for us, dance-wise. And as a team we met up and set off on a road trip very early on Sunday morning.

Conversation in the car…
Myra: The good thing about being out and about early is the amount of wild life you get to see.

Minion: Like what..?

Myra: Well, I’ve seen 2 or 3 different birds of prey, just sitting on fence posts near the road. Some rabbits, even a deer!

Minion: All we’ve seen so far is a random man standing by the side of the road, next to a broken down car. He was wearing a dressing gown and had a towel over his arm… That was a little unusual – but probably not what you’d count as wild life.

Me: The most unusual wild life I’ve seen by the side of the road was a pantomime cow…
It was late one night, and in my headlights I caught the back end of a pantomime cow on its knees in front of the front end of the pantomime cow.  The front end of the pantomime cow was turned all the way around facing the wrong direction.
Life was certainly wild in that village!

Travel conversations… Random!

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Day 42 - Button Box

‘Your attitude is like a box of crayons that colour your world. Constantly colour your picture grey, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colours to the picture by including humour, and your picture begins to lighten up.’ ~ Allen Klein

My Granma had a button box and I remember spending hour upon hour playing with it as a child. It was a little tin and inside were buttons of all shapes and sizes that she’d removed from various clothes when they were past their best. Many were spare buttons, that she kept, ‘just in case’ for the various things she had knitted or sewn throughout the years.

‘Where did this one come from, Granma?’ was my favourite game. Because I knew that she would launch into a story of each one. What it had come from, who it had belonged to, where they had worn it, what fate had bestowed it and I would be fascinated that she could remember so much from something so little.

As I write this I am kicking myself. My Granma gave me a button box of my own when I got married, semi-loaded with a bunch of buttons she’d put in there for me. Maybe even taken from her own tin. Not once have I added to it. Not once have my children played with it. Even now I can see the A&E waiting room and the wide variety of potential child disasters attached to it! Were we smarter as children or less molly-coddled? I don’t remember ever having to be told, ‘Don’t try this at home…’ Maybe I was just a world class wimp with no sense of adventure or imagination!

Anyway, it occurs to me now that my children were deprived of the button box experience…

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Day 30 - Happy Easter!

Enjoy a beautiful day…

Some chocolate advice for you…

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.
It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?

If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be.

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process….
It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?

Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get. Forrest Gump in “Forrest Gump” (1994)

If life is like a box of chocolates, then its time for me to buy another box, I seem to have already devoured all the good ones!

Chocolate doesn’t make the world go around … but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile!

Man cannot live on chocolate alone; but woman sure can.

Simply put… everyone has a price, mine is chocolate!

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Day 24 - Cake Crisis

That ‘Touch my food, feel my fork’ advert that used to be on the TV, totally resonates with me…

And most people know that the boundaries of reasonableness do not exist for me when I feel that my cake, coffee or chocolate is under threat…

This weekend caught me out though…

At Rock Bottoms dance weekender I was queuing up patiently, with my plate of cake, waiting to order my coffee and pay at the counter. Huge queue, but I had the very last piece of the cake that I wanted in my hand so all was fine. Got to the front, placed my cake on the counter, ordered my coffee and paid. As the waitress turned to make my coffee, so a lady from a table off to my left walked up to the counter, picked up my cake and walked off with it…

So swift and slick was she that I was left looking at the empty space on the counter where MY cake used to be, before slowly turning my head to see where it had gone. Bearing in mind that this was a huge queue and there were many people behind me who had seen this, so when I slowly turned my head to look at this woman, so did they…

Back to her table she went and placed the plate with the cake down in front of a guy already sitting there. By this stage, my jaw has dropped to my chin and my eyebrows were doing that odd thing they do when they can’t work out if what the eyes have seen is actually real or not.

And it’s at this point that the guy says to her, ‘That’s not mine…’

She turned back to look and realised that not only I, but the entire rest of the queue, were now looking at her in total bemusement and as she wished with all her might to melt into a puddle and disappear down a crack in the floor tiles, so a guy pipes up from the back of the queue, ‘If you want cake that bad, Love, I’ll buy you some!’

Whole crowd burst out laughing, bright red lady returned my cake untouched, apologising profusely and a huge diplomatic incident was narrowly avoided…

Phew!

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Day 23 - Purple Cow

The fact that there *is* a restaurant called the Purple Cow is enough to make me smile – but one with a sense of humour like this means it has to go on my Bucket List…

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Day 21 - Mystery!

There has been a stray leaf on the lawn outside the front of my house for the past few days.
My daughter and I look at it as we pass by.
There are other stray leaves out there, but this one attracts our attention because it is unusual.
It is a lettuce leaf.
We’re not big on salad stuff in our house, so we’re fairly certain it isn’t our lettuce leaf. But why we have a lettuce leaf on our lawn does intrigue us. Obviously not enough for either of us to actually move it or anything.
But every day we pass by it, and each time we acknowledge that it is unusual to have a lettuce leaf on your front lawn.
It is something of a mystery!

And then today a rabbit came hopping by!

It is clearly a pet rabbit and it must have escaped from somewhere nearby.

I think there is a connection between the rabbit-on-the-run and the leaf-on-the-lawn… I shall watch for further developments…

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